fatness of the "l" changes the fonts appearance in Indesign

The fonts screen-appearance in various applications is much too fat.
The offset printed result matches with the preview look of fontlab.

What I know until now:
The appearance depends on the fatness of the small "l" and changes due to the mapping value in Indesign CS4. The more I scale the "l" in fontlab, or if I replace it by a simple rectangle, the screen appearance (in Indesign) changes and gets accurate. As Indesign is the most used design programm the fonts look in this programm is very important to me. All tries I made with an exported "Open Type PS" font.

In "Word" the appearance is too fat, but is the same fat with all the different "l"s. In Photoshop the appearance is ok with all "l"s.The appearance in Fontexplorer is bad with all versions.

What I tried until now:
delete all hintings
autohint
delete all stems
change the blue shift/scale/fuzz
increase the UPM size
export "Win TrueType/Open Type TT": here the appearance in Indesign is better than with the exported "Open Type PS" font, no changes at the other applications.

All this does not have any positive results.
Does anybody have an idea? Thanks a million in advance!